Christmas: The time when everyone gets Santamental.
I know. I know. I know that people say "It's the thought that counts, not the gift", but couldn't people think a little biger!
Santa Claus is a Jolly fellow! Imagine all that driving and still being able to say "Ho! Ho! Ho!
Father to three-year old: "No a reindeer is not a horse with TV antenna.
Every year, Christmas becomes less a birthday and more a Clearance Sale.
Christmas is in my heart twelve months a year and thanks to credit cards, it's on my Visa Card Statement twelve months a year also.
Some of these new toys are so creative and inventive. This year they have a Neurotic Doll. It's wound up already.
I bought my friend some gift-wrap for Christmas. I took it to the gift-wrap counter and told them to wrap it, but in different paper, so he'd know when to stop unwrapping.
When I was young we were poor. We didn't have a Christmas tree, we had a Christmas stump.
When I was a kid our Christmases were very poor. We couldn't afford tinsel. We had to wait for grandpa to sneeze.
Christmas is a time when people get emotional over family ties, particularly if they have to wear them.
I remember my dad was chopping in a toy store. He said, "That's a terrific train set. I'll buy it."
The Clerk said, "Great, I'm sure your son will love it."
Dad said, "Maybe you're right. I'll take two."
They say that Santa comes but once a year. I can't understand that, considering all the bedrooms he visits.
Q: What do you get if you cross Raquel Welch and Santa Claus?
A: A thank you card from Santa.
Q: Why does Santa wear pink underwear?
A: He's a man. He did all his laundry in the one load.
It was so cold on Christmas Eve at the North Pole that Santa had to jump-start three of his reindeer.
Q: What do you call Santa's Helpers?
A: Subordinate Clauses.
Q: Why did Santa Claus take his Christmas tree to the dentist?
A: To get a root canal.
Q: Why did Santa spell Christmas N-O-E?
A: Because the angel had said,"No L!"
Q: Why did the gingerbread man go to the doctor?
A: He was feeling crummy.
Q: Why does Santa's sled get such good mileage?
A: Because it has long-distance runners on each side.
Q: Why does Scrooge love Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer?
A: Because every buck is dear to him.
Q: Why is Christmas just like a day at the office ?
A: You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.
Q: Why is it so cold on Christmas?
A: Because it's in Decembrrrrrrrrrr!
Q: Why is the month of December so popular?
A: It has a lot of dates.
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