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"I will hold Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year." - Charles Dickens.


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Jokes.Net: Time for a Laugh

Christmas Jokes

    Santa's Jokes Page 2

    Christmas: The time when everyone gets Santamental.

    I know. I know. I know that people say "It's the thought that counts, not the gift", but couldn't people think a little biger!

    Santa Claus is a Jolly fellow! Imagine all that driving and still being able to say "Ho! Ho! Ho!

    Father to three-year old: "No a reindeer is not a horse with TV antenna.

    Every year, Christmas becomes less a birthday and more a Clearance Sale.

    Christmas is in my heart twelve months a year and thanks to credit cards, it's on my Visa Card Statement twelve months a year also.

    Some of these new toys are so creative and inventive. This year they have a Neurotic Doll. It's wound up already.

  • I bought my friend some gift-wrap for Christmas. I took it to the gift-wrap counter and told them to wrap it, but in different paper, so he'd know when to stop unwrapping.

  • When I was young we were poor. We didn't have a Christmas tree, we had a Christmas stump.

  • When I was a kid our Christmases were very poor. We couldn't afford tinsel. We had to wait for grandpa to sneeze.

  • Christmas is a time when people get emotional over family ties, particularly if they have to wear them.

  • I remember my dad was chopping in a toy store. He said, "That's a terrific train set. I'll buy it."

    The Clerk said, "Great, I'm sure your son will love it."

    Dad said, "Maybe you're right. I'll take two."

  • They say that Santa comes but once a year. I can't understand that, considering all the bedrooms he visits.

    Q: What do you get if you cross Raquel Welch and Santa Claus?
    A: A thank you card from Santa.

    Q: Why does Santa wear pink underwear?
    A: He's a man. He did all his laundry in the one load.

  • It was so cold on Christmas Eve at the North Pole that Santa had to jump-start three of his reindeer.

    Q: What do you call Santa's Helpers?
    A: Subordinate Clauses.

    Q: Why did Santa Claus take his Christmas tree to the dentist?
    A: To get a root canal.

    Q: Why did Santa spell Christmas N-O-E?
    A: Because the angel had said,"No L!"

    Q: Why did the gingerbread man go to the doctor?
    A: He was feeling crummy.

    Q: Why does Santa's sled get such good mileage?
    A: Because it has long-distance runners on each side.

    Q: Why does Scrooge love Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer?
    A: Because every buck is dear to him.

    Q: Why is Christmas just like a day at the office ?
    A: You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.

    Q: Why is it so cold on Christmas?
    A: Because it's in Decembrrrrrrrrrr!

    Q: Why is the month of December so popular?
    A: It has a lot of dates.

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